Gastric Warfare

Dear Duper,
I have a revolting habit: I pick my feet. I can spend hours engaged in what Dave Barry, a fellow compulsive, calls "foot maintenance." It?s super gross, yet my darling husband, perhaps not the most observant of men, has never remarked on my monkeylike grooming ritual. If my husband ever expressed his disgust, I would try to stop, but I?m grateful he?s decided to ignore it. Forget fidelity, forget mutual interests, the key to a successful relationship is not noticing your significant other?s harmless yet fingernails-on-a-chalkboard habits. (And fingernails on a chalkboard are nothing compared to toenails on a coffee table.) I?m in favor of letting one?s beloved know about incorrect table manners, or something that truly is a social faux pas. But the annoying little tics we all have are different. You could open a discussion with your cheery Pooh by telling him how perfect he is in every way, except that when he says ?super,? you want to come at him with a machete and cut his tongue out. A more delicate approach would require you to leave out your observations about his ?abrasive optimism,? lack of ?dignity,? and sounding ?dumb,? and say you have a complaint you know is trivial, but it?s just one of those silly things that bothers you.? Be aware of how petty you will sound and how self-conscious it will make him. There?s also the possibility that he might say to you: ?Thanks for opening this can of fingernails. I wasn?t ever going to say anything, but you should be aware that before you take a drink, you dart out the tip of your tongue like it?s a snail emerging from its shell, and it puts me off my food.? By the time you finish that discussion, you?ll realize it?s time to dust off your profile on Match.com and start looking for your next Eeyore.

Source: http://feeds.slate.com/click.phdo?i=2feffb62035f8b49d8727a5d901414cb

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